Since I was 8 I have battled with Anorexia Nervosa.
I am not ashamed of this fact, it’s part of my story which makes me who I am.
Recovery is a long hard slog and I honestly always thought I would be “in recovery” for the rest of my life. So I’m now very surprised to find my self teetering on the precipice of considering myself “recovered”.
I feel like I’m stood on a rocky ledge willing myself to take that final step onto the safe and steady land of full recovery but with the chasm of relapse threatening between me and full recovery.
Anorexia has been part of my identity for most of my life, I’m having to learn who I am with out it.
It’s a scary prospect but also one full of hope and promise.
A big turning point came when we had some family photos taken, I looked at the photos and hated the way my tummy looked, but then I looked again.
Yes it’s not the most flattering angle of my stomach but it’s clearly a Mum’s stomach.
My stomach isn’t wash board flat and toned because it grew and housed my son for 9 months. My body’s function is not to look good. It’s to allow me to live my life to the full and my body did the most amazing thing and created life and for that I will be forever grateful to it.
I still don’t like my body, I still don’t like the fact that I have gained weight and I still fear gaining more but I refuse to let Anorexia dominate my life any longer.
I’m not quite there yet but hopefully one day soon I will be able to confidently say I am fully recovered from Anorexia.
But until that day I’m still grateful that I’m far closer to recovered than I ever dreamed was possible.
Love Lucy
Xxx
Rainbow Hippy Mumma 