I’ve been thinking a lot about an article I read a few months ago about the fact that Emma Watson (Saint Emma Watson in my opinion 😍) describing her self as “self partnered”.
Now I went on quite a long stretch of being a single lady through choice and I must admit it’s something I definitely don’t regret and I learnt a huge about about myself in that time. It also meant when the right man came along (who had infact been hiding in plain sight the whole time) it was the right time and felt as natural and welcome as a refreshing breeze on a hot summer day. My life was far from dismal, I didn’t need a partner (in the sense of any human will do), but he made my life immeasurably better and I now don’t know what I’d do without him.
Now how does this sickly sweet (sorry about that) description of my now perfectly loved up self relate the idea of self-partnering or more specifically for what I am talking about self-dating I hear you ask? Well it comes down to what I learnt whilst single that I’ve brought forward into my life now I am no longer single, the confidence to do things by myself.
It’s a daunting prospect.
How often do you see someone happily eating alone? Going to the cinema alone? Going to the theatre alone?
Chances are not that often and it can seem a scary prospect, the idea that society will mark you out as a loner, as having no choice other than to be alone.
The first time I did this was an utterly liberating experience.
I saw that Take That were coming to my hometown (yes they are cheesy and large leap from my usual musical tastes. No, no I am not ashamed) no one wanted to come with me so I booked myself a lone ticket. A few months went by and the day arrived, I started to panic, was this such a good idea after all? It was pouring it down and the queue was huge, I nearly wussed out but I’m so glad I didn’t, I had a fantastic time! I got chatting with the people around me in the queue, we all shared umbrellas and when the music started I danced and sang like no one was watching because you know what? When it comes down to it, they’re not!
We’re all far to wrapped up in the fact that we are the centre of our own story, which is great in someways (it is of course important to make it a bestseller) but we are nothing more than non speaking extras in the movie of life for most of the people we encounter in every day life, most of the time not even on focus and at most fleeting cameos. People aren’t going home talking about the person they saw watching Wicked alone (whilst silently mouthing the lyrics because of course it’s impossible not to!).
Even if you don’t spend an extended period of time enjoying being single or self-partnered I highly recommend you spend time learning to date yourself, go to the cinema/museum/art gallery/coffee shop/sushi bar.
It’s no fun dragging a partner to do something they have no interest in, it ruins it for both of you. Learn to enjoy doing things alone and your relationship will be so much healthier for it I promise you.
I adore time spent with my partner and our son more than anything but that doesn’t mean I don’t also enjoy the peace and tranquility of a fancy coffee and a good book in coffee shop with no one to disturb me.
So I am happily a part of a partnership but I am also endeavouring to practice self-dating as well.
Lucy
Xxx
Rainbow Hippy Mumma 